*Expression*
Believe you me that it's not easy to express one's feeling to another. It takes courage and trust. For me to share with somebody on your needs and feelings is not what i do very often. In fact i will only share some with my partner.
Perhaps the wall that surrounds this exterior is due to my past. Always guarding, making sure no one sees how i really am feeling or know what i am thinking. Putting others first has been one of the mistakes that i've made and now i'm paying the cost of having difficulty to express myself. Always putting their happiness first and sacrificing mine. I do this mainly to satisfy them, not me.
The realization came when i realized that i was going through depression. Trying to make sense of it all i bury my sorrows in books ..psychological particularly. Didn't know it it was the right thing to do but keep on at it. One of the exercises that i had to do is plot my ups and downs in life from the time i was small up to now.
From there i started to see what the real problem was.. ME. Its was me who allowed these sorrows to take over. It was ME who allowed others to decide. It was ME who was living in Fear and Mistakes. It was the first breakthrough in many years to understand myself.
This year my resolution is to make a conscious effort to do things that make me happy and recognize how grateful that feeling is. Say things that make me happy. I believe if i start and stick to do this then I have CHOSEN.
Wish me luck guys ...
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